시

[trutherous]

This is the place to practice right? Ok I am going to share a poem I wrote in Korean during the past 24 hours... I thought this and wrote it entirely in Korean -- no English at all. ah... being that I am a sensitive poet I am not really looking for proofreading or correction, hehehe ㅋㅋㅋ I just wanted to share it.

If you are learning Korean why not write a poem in Korean and share it here?
If you are a native Korean speaker why not share a poem you write in English?

어제와 오늘 (George Posten)

살살한 바람에
나뭇잎 흔들며 흔들고
공기를 본 듯해서
밤의 맑은 하늘에
흐르는 물 같아

쌀쌀한 아침
뒷마당에 커피 맛
비둘기 참새 합창을 들리고
흐린 봄날 구름 뒤
태양 흔적 보이네

[timandyou]

Hi, George~~!!

I like your poem a lot!!
I think you are almost Korean.
Thanks for your effort and work!
cheers,

[trutherous]

Ok - after much criticism (not from here) I submit the following changes:


어제와 오늘 (George Posten)

부드러운 바람에
나뭇잎 흔들흔들
보이지 않은 걸 본 듯해서
밤의 맑은 하늘에
흐르는 물 같아

쌀쌀한 아침에
뒷마당에서 신선한 커피 맛
새들이 노래를 부르고
흐린 봄날 구름 위
태양 흔적 보이네

I have to say that I was a little miffed to be told that I could not use 살살하다 (delicate, fine) to describe 바람 (wind) in a poem, because in English if I want to say "Tangerine flavored truck tires" in poetry that is perfectly fine. Also, I was told "We don't use '공기'(air) in poetry." --what? So how do you say 'air' in poetry then? 대기(atmosphere)? Oh.. I know.. 저.. 저 "지구를 들러싼 투명하고 무색한 얇은 기체충"

Ok... I know I've no skill in Korean poetry (yet) but considering the feedback I have heard thus far from the local Korean friends, I have only one word of response I'd like them to ponder, "Jabberwocky!"

By the way, thanks Tim! You are the only one who did not criticize my poem.

*edited to change 액체 to 기체 ... 혼동이 돼서 그래.. 고체, 액체, 기체 알아요 solid, liquid, gas

[timandyou]

"People, people~~!!"
I don't understand people who criticized at your poem.

First of all,
Korean is not your first lnaguage.
Writing poem is even hard for Korean people.
George, I apologize.

Second, poem is poem.
I think people don't understand the beauty of writing poems.
In writing poems, you may write words as you like.
(of course... not on everything but...)

Third, I give you big hands for courage and knowlege for Korean.
Hey, George... You are great! Not many people wanting to write Korean poems or even sing Korean songs... Because they are afraid of making mistakes and afraid of people criticing on the work. Hey George, for that you are a victor.

I do think you are excellent.
cheers George~~~!!!

[trutherous]

격려를 주셔서 고마워요! Tim님