Politness Levels towards younger strangers

[kyuree]

I have this doubt about politeness levels towards strangers that are younger than me.

I'm currently using 존대말 (spelling?), standard politeness level, and 저 when I write them e-mails or talk to them. To be honest it is always a bit hard for me to use 저 because I usually used 나 plus ㅂ니다 when I first started to learn Korean in Korean school back then.
I was looking for tandem partners for Korean, i.e. Koreans that teach me Korean and I teach them German in return. They are normally 유학생 and younger than me.
My mother said I shouldn't use 저 towards them.

I wanted to know how you normally talk with people that you don't know well (yet) but are younger than you.
One of them is significantly younger than I am, probably more than 5 yrs younger, and the other one is 2 yrs younger than me (in chronological age).
Would I have to use 반말? Is 존대말 with 나 ok or would it look stupid for someone who is older?

Also when I met my Korean cousin who is 2-3 yrs younger than me and who I hadn't seen in 15 yrs. she was always flipping back and forth between 존대말 and 반말. Mostly using 반말 and normally using 존대말 when she felt guilty for being late etc.

[Chris1]

Using 저 is humbling yourself. You can use it to a younger crowd if you wish, perhaps at the first meeting, but generally you'd use 나 depending on the situation/relationship. All relationships are different, and there is no clear cut way to test which forms of 반말 and 존댓말 you should use. You can still use 존댓말 without using 저 or 시:

저는 (이름)님이 어디로 가고 싶어하시는지 몰라요.
I don't know where you want to go.

나는 (이름)이 어디로 가고 싶어하는지 몰라요.
I don't know where you want to go.

If you know the person well, and have an established 동생 relationship, you're better off using 반말--but only in a 동생 relationship. If they're helping you and you help them in exchange, I'd personally be polite by using 존댓말, but leave out 시 and 저--only if they use 존댓말 back to you.

Cousins are typically very close, and mixing both forms is very common in a lot of other situations. If she feels close to you and calls you 오빠, then you should use 반말.

[kyuree]

Cousins are typically very close, and mixing both forms is very common in a lot of other situations. If she feels close to you and calls you 오빠, then you should use 반말.

I'm a girl ^^' but thanks for your input.
I'm actually using Banmal towards my cousin, sometimes the "yo" slips out b/c I'm more used talking to older ppl haha.

[hyunwoo]

규리

가장 좋은 것은, 한국식으로 하는 거예요.
(The best way to do it is... to do it the Korean way.) Haha.



그 친구들한테 "몇 살이에요?"라고 묻고,
(Ask them how old they are,)

그리고 "말 놔도 되요?"라고 물어 보세요.
(and ask them "can I lower my speech level?")

분명히 "네"라고 말할 거예요.
(I'm sure they'll say "yes") ^^

And start using 반말! That's more natural!

[kyuree]

but leave out 시 and 저--only if they use 존댓말 back to you.

hmm, this girl (or should I say young woman ^^') who is 2-3 yrs younger than me writes me mails using 시 towards me, I haven't met her yet. Very polite.

@현우:

감사합니다! 그럴게요 ^^

[yhenry]

Using 저 is humbling yourself. You can use it to a younger crowd if you wish, perhaps at the first meeting, but generally you'd use 나 depending on the situation/relationship. All relationships are different, and there is no clear cut way to test which forms of 반말 and 존댓말 you should use. You can still use 존댓말 without using 저 or 시:

저는 (이름)님이 어디로 가고 싶어하시는지 몰라요.
I don't know where you want to go.

나는 (이름)이 어디로 가고 싶어하는지 몰라요.
I don't know where you want to go.

If you know the person well, and have an established 동생 relationship, you're better off using 반말--but only in a 동생 relationship. If they're helping you and you help them in exchange, I'd personally be polite by using 존댓말, but leave out 시 and 저--only if they use 존댓말 back to you.

Cousins are typically very close, and mixing both forms is very common in a lot of other situations. If she feels close to you and calls you 오빠, then you should use 반말.

I agree with you, Chris.
반말 can only be good in a close relationship. Other than that, 존댓말 works always good in any human relationship where respect means a great deal lot. It hurts no one to be polite in speech, even to younger people who no doubt want to be treated respectfully as a person not as a lower species.

No, you don't have to use 저,씨, but use honorific suffix when you speak to people who are not as close as 오빠/누나.
I am sure you will get respect in return.

However, if the other party don't mind 반말, why not?

[holdfast]

just from my own experience, i usually wait until the other person tells me to stop speaking so formally (which happens a lot), or if i think that person and i are becoming close, i will ask if i can stop speaking formally (like hyunwoo said). but, even if the person is younger than me, i will speak formally to them until they say it is ok (unless they are a lot younger, like children). i have had many people tell me "you don't need to talk to me like that!"

i'm still learning how to talk to speak correctly in every circumstance, and it is definitely not an exact science. it is easy just to always speak formally, but if you want to sound natural, you need to know when to use honorifics and when it is not necessary. besides, using honorifics really does get in the way of a relationship becoming really close - i feel much much more comfortable with the people that i speak informally to.

[lukek]

I normally always use 저 with anyone older than me except sometimes my older sister.

Anyone younger than me I would use 나.

If your cousin is really close like a sibling, then I think 반말 is acceptable.