Korean adoptees...

[Alexis]

I'd really appreciate some thoughts/opinions/advice from people who know Korea and its culture well...

I can't really believe I'm asking this on here, but what is the general understanding/attitude towards Korean adoptees in Korea? As many people on these forums probably know, I was adopted from Korea, and I'm hoping to go back for the first time (since I was a few months old!) hopefully in the next couple of years...

But I'm really afraid... I'm scared of what people will think of me when they realise I'm not fluent in Korean, and I'm quite worried about what they'll say if I tell them I was adopted. Is there a stigma around Korean adoptees? Is it worth me going back, really?

...I just thought I'd ask, to see whether anyone had any light to shine on this (rather personal) topic. I'm really hoping to get there sometime next year, but I'm still very hesitant/nervous/scared! And I'd like to be as prepared as possible...

Thanks to anyone who can help...^^

[kyuree]

Hey, Alexis!

I decided to reply something to you but I'm not sure how helpful it might be...

First of all maybe it is sort of "good" that you're having mixed feelings about going to Korea. I might not become very popular on here for saying this but I think Koreans can be rather racist ( Eventhough "racist" might be the wrong word in your case...)
E.g. look at this article about the acceptance of half-Korean children raised in Korea among their peers:

http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2009/01/ ... early.html

Maybe the author of that blog can help you w/ your question, too?

About looking Korean but not being fluent... I have experiences with that b/c not even Koreans can tell that I'm mixed
Koreans asked me for directions or wanted me to sign their campaign..., or of course I had to talk to them when I was shopping. Sometimes I had to say so little that (I think) people didn't realize it but once they engaged me in a somewhat longer conversation I soon struggled

The reactions varied. Sometimes the Koreans then thought I was some other Asian (Japanese, Chinese, ...), or when I told them that I'm German people said "Oh but you speak Korean well!" (WHAT?! ). I didn't have any negative experiences. No one doubted it when I said I was German (actually I expected them to).
Only once in a "The Skin Food" shop, the shop attendent started talking to me in Korean, I said (in Korean) "I just want to look around". Apparently I didn't say it well enough so she asked "Japanese? Chinese?", when I said "errm... Germany" (in Korean) she just mumbled a short description of the product in English and went away.

But then again every country has unfriendly people...

I saw this video on youtube (about an Adopted Asian):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0xmpoC- ... annel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZl885Ja ... annel_page
(check out their channel!)

I didn't really meet lots of people besides my family that were not people in shops, restaurants, markets...
I talked to some people in Buddhist temples that were very friendly towards me and told me that (to them) I was still Korean. I dunno how other people would think about it that are not religious or whether their reaction had anything to do w/ religion at all...


^
My experiences are different (b/c I'm only half-Korean) but they're also sort of similar.
My advice either way is that as long as you don't forget who you are and who you are not ... what other people think about you won't "harm you".
My best friend is also half-Korean but unlike me doesn't look Korean (people in Korea thought she was Indian). It really took to her that Koreans wouldn't accept her.

I know it's easier for me to say because it seemed that Koreans accepted me but I think either way I have to keep in mind that whether or not I live up to other people's standards that they have for me (and have no right to have), like say: expecting me to speak Korean fluently, I know who I am.
I know that I didn't grow up speaking Korean and if I make an effort to learn it now then that's my decision. I don't think anyone has the right to expect me to speak Korean fluently.
Don't get gloomy about not speaking Korean perfectly.
You and I we make efforts to improve our Korean and even if we didn't it's no one's business!

It's not your fault that you didn't grow up speaking Korean or that you didn't grow up in Korea or with Korean parents.
I don't know you well but I have the feeling that you're confident about yourself.

I'm just stressing all this b/c I know that it can be very hard and depressing if one tries to live up to other people's standards in situations like this (like for my friend). But to be the "perfect Korean" is nothing we can still achieve - and it shouldn't matter.
With this in mind I think it will be easier for you to enjoy your time in Korea w/o pressure of "fitting in perfectly".

If you're not already part of one... join a Korean adoptees association. They organize tours for Korean adoptees to visit Korea. With people who are in the same boat like you, the experience might be easier. There will be people who understand your situation.

Tell people in Korea that you're from Australia. When I told people I was from Germany they were accepting and sometimes curious to find out more about my country.
Even though we might not culturally fit in perfectly, for me to go to Korea after 15 yrs (last time before last fall I visited Korea when I was 11...) it was a nice feeling to sit in the subway and sort of look like everyone else ^^. Berlin is rather multicultural but it's different to sit in a subway train with only Koreans kekeke


humm... I wrote so much and I'm not even sure whether it helped a bit...
Maybe there are forums for adopted Koreans on the net where other adoptees can tell you about their experiences?

[Keith]

Hey Alexis,

I'll have to agree with everything Kyuree said. It definitely depends on the people you meet. There are going to be more people who are understanding of your situation, but there will be a few people who are not so understanding.

And I definitely agree that you have to adhere to your own standards, be confident in yourself, and don't let other people bring you down. Again, you will experience that wherever you go though.

And of course there will definitely be people who you will meet that will be extremely warm hearted and welcoming to you. I'd rather focus on those people, rather than let a few rotten apples who do not represent the entire population bring you down.

Enjoy your trip to Korea, and don't be too worried! It will be a good trip if you want it to be a good trip I strongly believe that!

[matthew254]

in my limited experience with some awesome people in the same boat as you, I have to say that it depended both on the people you meet and your own personal attitude. If you're resilient, then you will understandably be better off all in all.

Here's my thoughts on it: in America, we celebrate diversity. I can say confidently that this starts in the elementary schools because it is something that I teach along with all my colleagues. However, while it isn't a bad thing, Korea tends to focus on group mentality and overall homogeneity. This can make a place that is sometimes not welcoming for not just adoptees but also foreigners such as myself.

Having said that, there are definitely different standards in place for white people like myself and Korean adoptees (and similarly half-Koreans). It's to be expected.

But, here's the happy ending: Korea's young generation is changing faster than the older generation can even keep track of. What would take 2 generations of typical American thought is achieved in 1.5 or even less in Korea. This progressive thought takes hold more and more each year.

In summation, you have a lot to offer for a lot of people curious about life outside of the norm. I personally am super comfortable with people in your position because you have a genuine reason for studying - I'm doing it because I like kimchi.

P.S. I whole-heartedly respect the fact that you posted about a sensitive subject here with great poise and honesty. You help to make this place awesome

[Alexis]

Wow... thankyou so much for replying, guys. You said such nice things. ^_^ Since you all left such huge and helpful comments, I have a lot to say, so please bear with me, as this reply will probably be long!

Firstly, I'm fully aware that Koreans are generally kinda "racist". I actually tried learning Korean a few years ago. Soon after, my husband (who is extremely caucasian and couldn't even try to be Asian if his life depended on it (he's incredibly pale, is mostly bald, apart from some bits of very blonde hair, and has the bluest of eyes)) and I moved to a suburb that is primarily inhabited by Korean people. Like matthew254 said about celebrating diversity in the US, well, Australia is very much the same - in primary school we learn/teach (I'm a primary school teacher myself) about the diversity in Australia and the world, and we learn that it's a GOOD thing. So in Oz, we have many different cultures at play.

ANYWHO, Robert (my husband) and I moved to a suburb called Strathfield. I'd say about... 90% of it is Korean. Korean people, Korean shops, Korean restaurants, Kpop shops, manhwa shops... everything! Originally, I thought moving there would be GREAT! I could get ddeokbokki whenever I wanted, I could buy kpop in a REAL shop and I could get Korean BBQ in 5 minutes!

But it wasn't long before both of us realised that we really didn't fit in. People looked at us very strangely, as if to say "why are you together? Why are you holding hands?". This made me (Robert's pretty thick-skinned and things like this don't bother him) feel very uncomfortable and I didn't know how to react. But it wasn't just when we were together that things were weird. I soon stopped going to the shops, as people would always be weirded out by my not speaking Korean. I often got asked whether I was Chinese, and I clammed up whenever people would say things to me in Korean and I didn't understand - I didn't know what to say!

Anyway, all these experiences eventually ended up causing me to lack interest in Korea and everything about it, which was kinda sad, but for a while I really hated Korea and Korean people in general. So I quit having anything to do with it.

We've since moved, and I can't deny my interest in it and my heritage. It's not like it's just going to magically disappear! I still really want to go, as I think going there will answer a lot of questions for me, and I generally just have an interest in the place. But I'm really afraid due to those experiences. In a way, though, I'm kinda hoping that before I go, I can go back to Strathfield, with my head held high and, even if I can't speak/understand a lot, I'll still be able to at least tell people WHY I don't, and walk away NOT feeling as if I'm going to cry! I figured that if I can't do that, how the heck can I actually GO to KOREA itself?!! I don't want to spend my first trip to Korea hiding in a hotel room! I think learning from you guys here has helped a lot already. You're all so friendly and willing to help everyone learn!

Kyuree: thanks heaps for those links. Some questions on that blog are hilarious! But I really want to see that "Adopted" movie... what that girl says is totally true! When we lived in Strathfield, I blended in when I just walked around. But when I went into shops and stuff, well... that was a totally different situation! I've also been researching adoptee groups, but unfortunately, most of them that I find are based in the US or Europe. (Australia's sorta the middle of nowhere. LOL.) But I'm hoping that when I do go to Korea, I can go on one of those adoptee tours, so I can go with people in the same situation as me!

Thanks again, guys. You all rock. Your comments have really made me feel better and encouraged! ^_^ I won't be going til probably sometime next year, so here's hoping I can learn as much as possible and gain some confidence!!

[kyuree]

@Alexis:

Your living in Strathfield could have been a taste of what it will be like in Korea (at least the situation of going shopping/buying groceries). Then again I know it from immigrants here in Germany (like the Turkish) that sometimes they tend to be less modern than their people in their home country. Sometimes time for emigrants just sort of stops.

I had several "strategies" for going shopping, it depended on my mood whether I tried to blend in or just right away told them that I'm a foreigner.
E.g. when I wanted to get my subway train and this lady asked me to sign her petition I just said "외국사람이예요 ^^". I did the same when a business man who asked me for the right bus to I dunnowhere in Kyeongju.
Sometimes I just smiled but I get the feeling from our Korean teacher that she always expects a reply, like "네" or "알겠습니다" in situations where a German wouldn't expect a reaction so this might not be the best strategy.
Once I said "I don't understand" in Korean. People look puzzled but they don't ask questions...
Most of the time though I tried to get by with my crappy Korean. If you don't have to bargain on a market like Namdaemun it won't be a problem (most people working at the big markets just want to rip you off ^^;).
Again there are always rude people but often enough people made an effort to understand me.
One lady in the Hangten shop was especially kind (this was in Myeong-Dong); she said "Please take your time (speaking)". I was kinda moved ㅋㅋㅋ

However, while it isn't a bad thing, Korea tends to focus on group mentality and overall homogeneity. This can make a place that is sometimes not welcoming for not just adoptees but also foreigners such as myself

In respect to the reaction towards whites in Korea's public I have to say from my experience it depends a lot on where you are in Korea.
I think Seoul (in many cases and also in this one) is different from the rest of Korea.

I spent most of my time during my 7 weeks stay in Korea last autumn in Seoul (followed by my granny's village in Jeollabukdo ^^;).
From my experience Seoulites couldn't care less whether a white person sits in the subway train or not. No one even gives them a second look. My best friend also observed that many whites when they go by subway alone seem to feel rather insecure because they're the only white person around (a feeling not too many white Westeners know...).
Even though most whites in Korea probably live in Seoul, there are still so few around the city that once you get off at Itaewon you are "shocked" by the foreigner percentage increasing by 300%.

When I visited a (German) friend in Busan who studies there for a year, the situation was completely different. Even though Busan has slightly more inhabitants than Berlin it has the feel of a "town". My friend said that the Koreans were all overly friendly towards them and when I walked around with her people would stare at her; (her being 184 cm tall doesn't help) - but in a friendly way.
An elderly woman on the subway started to ask her questions (I had to translate...), told her she's beautiful, etc. ...
It also happened to me that a man on the street started a conversation with me (he thought I was a lost tourist from Seoul...).
There are people who prefer this mentality and there are people who prefer the anonymity of a city like Seoul.

ok, sorry, this was off-topic

[Alexis]

Well, when I go to Korea, it will probably be mainly to Seoul, since that was where I was born, and it's the place I want to see the most. My husband is also a technology nut, so he'll want to see things with lots of technology! LOL. I think I'll need to know how to say "I don't understand" quite well, though! LOL. My Korean's definitely getting better, but I don't know whether I'll be confident enough to have full conversations and stuff! XP

I'm actually planning to go have Korean BBQ sometime (I've been feeling like Korean BBQ for ages now!!!), so I might see if I can get the guts up to at least say something small to the people in there!!!

Anywho, thanks for being so helpful, everyone! Considering Korea has such good internets, I'll probably be coming here pretty often when I do get there! LOL.

[Alexis]

So anywho, I'm really proud of myself! XD The other night, my husband and I and our friend went out for Korean BBQ (I made a funny video of it here, BTW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svohuI5N ... annel_page LOL), anyway, when we walked out, I managed to blurt out a nice big 감사합니다!!! I was so proud. And what's more is that I also managed to say 안녕히 계세요 as we were leaving, also! But I don't think they heard me. Still, I walked out feeling really proud of myself!! (Note: last week, I went to a Korean supermarket, where I intended to say something in Korean, but I chickened out and then felt stupid. XP So I sort of made it my mission to say something on Sunday night. And I did! LOL.)

[Keith]

Trying to load the video, but it's taking a while

But I just wanted to congratulate you on speaking! That really is a huge, huge step, and I've been in your shoes before (with Japanese). I've had the same nervous twitters, and I often said words or phrases under my breath really softly and wondered if they have even heard me or not. But it really does feel good when you get to put into practice what you've learned!

Great job!

[Alexis]

Thanks for the encouragement, Keith! It means a lot! I hope I can keep it up and start saying more things to people!!! BTW did you manage to watch the video?

[kyuree]

congrats on winning the current mail story, Alexis

[Alexis]

Aww, thanks, Kyuree! It's kinda weird seeing my name and story around this site...! LOL.

[stefan]

Hello my wife is an adoptee from korea and last year we went on holidays for 4 weeks touring the country. I have to say I never met nicer people. I didn't notice any rasisme at all! on the contrary especial if you try to speak a bit korean an stay polite. We weher helped by many koreans. and younger people wil try to speak english with you. All the koreans where curious where we where from, and really appreciated that my wife came to see here birth country. we have hat lots of fun!
never had a better holiday and will go back for sure. hopefully I will be able to say more than thank you etc in korean.

But from what i getter they don't really like americans so since I'm from the Netherlands maybe that is why I have a different experience

[kyuree]

Nice blog of an adoptee (Land of the Not So Calm )


http://notsocalm.wordpress.com

edit: oh, Alexis, you know the blog already. I saw your comments haha

[Alexis]

Nice blog of an adoptee (Land of the Not So Calm )


http://notsocalm.wordpress.com

edit: oh, Alexis, you know the blog already. I saw your comments haha

Hehe, yeah. I've known the girl who runs that blog for a while now!^^ I even have her added on Facebook! ^_^